left out

Why is that I constantly feel left out. Its like there's this thing that everyone doesn't talk about...like don't ask Linda to come policy on every door. Shitty...i get the..."you can come if you want"...more like "i wasn't planning on inviting you but i don't want it to get awkward if I tell you i don't want you to be there" It would be nice if I was more appreciated and people wanted me to be there because of how awesome I am. I'd like to think I'm awesome but all signs are telling me otherwise. I get a lot of "we're not really doing anything" or "I didn't think you'd want to do that"...its like hearing "its not you...its me...really..." Really...really? I mean clearly you're doing something if you are hanging out with someone at their place or going out...and i didn't think you'd want to...well it would have been nice if I was asked anyways...dammit! All i ever really do is sit at home, so its not like I've got plans or I'm booked for the week. AND...I understand that lots of time people don't ask people because they always say No all the time and never come out. But that's not my case at all...if I have the money...usually I'll go out.

P.s. I'm trying not to think about things too much and stay positive...optimistic and look to the future and all that bullshit...but for some reason I'm not very good at it...it just feels like it eats away at me. I'm terrible at brushing things off...wtf is wrong with me. I need to relax I know...maybe that's why I never get asked to go anywhere. bitch bitch bitch...tiny violin...fuck!

We are the walking dead

We were bored one night and decided to do some face painting. We're having a Day of the Dead party on Saturday and Alicia and I are both off...so we celebrated on our own and went to Five Star Lounge for a drink and to show off our scary faces. We actually made some friends at the bar and scared a few people in the street. It was fun just being spontaneous and silly. Of course this was also the day that Alicia got me sick...so now we are literally the walking dead because we're both sick.




I told Alicia we should get married and we would just say the vows "in sickness and in health"...I believe our apartment is now quarantined.



I did my own work...I love how it turned out so I think I'm going to do it this Saturday for a Halloween party we are possibly attending. We are Daria and Jane but hopefully the pair celebrating Dia de los Muertos. We'll be very non-chalant about the whole matter. Trying to get Ryan to be Trent...we'll need some black colored hair spray though.



Here is a not dead picture of Ryan and I! I love this picture because we're super cute and of course it's a hipstamatic shot.

Shank!

Ruben came over tonight and we watched this movie "Shank" and the whole time we were hoping someone would get shanked but no one ever did...that was a disappointment. On the bright side, it was a tale of a confused young gang member from Britain that is sexually attracted to men and hiding his secret from the rest of the gang. He meets another young French chap that gets beaten up by his gang and he stops the fight risking his reputation. The gang consisted of himself Cal, Jonno (a closeted and in denial gay gang leader)and Jonno's girlfriend Nessa (She was a big cunt...as Ruben called her the Queen Cunt) She totally interfers the whole time and talks a lot of shit and is completely insane. She beats up this fat girl "gang member" because she was snorting coke on top of a picture frame of Nessa's dead baby. I know...the plot thickens...the father of that dead baby is Cal(the main character)Anyways...there's a lot of butt sex and white people acting like thugs; which is always disturbing to me. I give this movie 2 and a half stars for the crappy acting and amateur type gang members that were not scary because they were holding machetes and swords...which doesn't make any sense because they should have had guns. But I must give credit to the realistic scenes of beating innocent people up and the shock factor of the end scene where Cal gets sodomized by his best friend Jonno in front of the whole gang and the french boy...truly awful.

(I know I pretty much gave away the whole movie...but I doubt you would have watched it anyways and if you were planning on it...maybe I saved you some time) haha!

Who will save our Soles?

Today I went to Akira in Bucktown with some of my ladies and customized my own TOMS. Which was pretty frickin sweet. Hopefully I will post it later once the Akira people post the pic on their site. I had the cream canvas ones with a peacock on the front to the sides and a bandaid on the back where the TOMS logo is. I loves them...which makes me want to buy a ton more just so I can customize them myself and then sell them. Brilliant right? Afterwards, we went to Santuallo and had some delicious pizza, salad and mac n' cheese. We also talked a lot about bodily fluids, go girl, strange new gadgets for periods, and informercials. It was a very entertaining conversation which also reminds me that there are lots of people in the world that are just as fascinated by the gross things as I am. Like talking about the different methods of squatting and the duel streaming pee and the backsplashing...its all in good fun. Another foot invention if mine that I thought of was the collapsible heel...you know like those cups...but more sturdy and a locking mechanism. They can be heels that turn into flats...genius...i know. (DAMNIT...just looked it up and someone already designed them...but still she designed stileto heels and I was thinking of wedge shoes...also her designs were not cute..haha)

Speaking of feet...I was on the bus the other day and couldn't help but stare at this girls feet...she had hot pink toes nails and...toe rings! seriously...i don't get it. Toes rings were so 90's...I just think they are so tacky. If you have cute feet...you don't have to dress them up and if you have ugly feet...those toe rings are not doing them any justice. Am I right?

stages

this has never happen to me before...but I know what its like to be that other person. I don't know what to do...it was starting to become clear and now again everything is muddled. I feel like a psychotic person with different personalities. One minute I'm angry and pissed off at whats happening...blaming you, then I feel pathetic like a wounded animal, then it passes and I feel ok...that moving forward isn't a bad thing, then I feel hopeful...that it'll all work out in the end and you're just being an idiot and you don't know what your missing, and the last emotion is the depression...its the numbness...its a dark place, that i rarely go to and am unfamiliar with. Everything is crumbling around me, i keep replaying the steps I took and what was my misstep...that I shouldn't have quit being a manager, or moved to the city because we'd be back to the happy place because I had money. Now i'm broke...with no car, barely getting by, and trying so hard to make it work, but its never enough, i feel taken for granted. But I know that these changes were necessary...it brought reality to its peak, that life is hard and we make sacrifices. Life isn't always about happiness but about surviving and making it work out the best that you can. I'm doing the best that I can...its about supporting each other and appreciating your loved ones. There no happy ending that exists...i was all wrong about that...this story just is and it keeps going...and theres a lot of shitty parts but I love you so much that I would be your friend and help you through all the hard parts and I hope that you would do the same for me. We constantly talk about expectations...but I think even when we try not to have them...they still exist. You expect us to be the way we were...just friends hanging out and having a good time and not expecting much...but thats an expectation. When you're in a relationship there are expectations...and that might sound stupid or clique but they exist. The expectations are that you are loyal to each other and don't sleep with other people, that you communicate and be honest, that you love each other no matter what. those are basic and those should be the only that exist...i'm learning that...no expectations, no disappointments...

Talk Nerdy to Me

I've been listening to Broken Bells recently and this video was maybe not the coolest video I've ever seen or the most creative but the song is good. That's whats most important really...but now that I think of it, sometimes shitty videos really ruin good songs. For example..."Safety dance"...just look it up...you'll see what I mean. This song makes me want to do the robot not twirl ribbons and frolic...just saying.



I had a shirt once that said Talk Nerdy to Me...I thought that was pretty clever and there were big framed glasses on the shirt...too bad it shrunk and didn't fit me anymore. Speaking of nerdy things, I went to the Dice Dojo last night and relived my gaming habit. Which I really want to start doing on a weekly basis. Alex says I should come everyday after school...haha...like I don't have homework or something, but its nice to feel wanted. It really does make me feel like I'm apart of a group and something that I enjoy doing that no one else does. The motivation for going as well is that I really sucked last night and I need to get back to my destructive dominating nature of shit talking and kicking major ass. Alex did stroke my ego by warning another player that I'm bloody vicious and that they should watch out for me. The nice thing about that happy place is that I can talk about Star Trek, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica and other nerdy things that no one else wants to talk about with me. Haha...I like sci-fi...its awesome. I enjoy living in fantastical worlds sometimes and I don't take it too the extreme but its a good release from the shitty things of reality. So yes...please do...talk nerdy to me, because I like it! ;)

Double the BOoty

I was walking to school and there was a woman in a really skin tight pink dress; it was one of those scenarios where she should have had a thong on...because the dress was that tight and well...I couldn't help but stare at her ass...and not because it was amazing looking...but because it looked like mine...flat as a pancake. So, the dress was not so flattering which is sad because the rest of her body was nice. I was wondering if anyone noticed that I was just walking behind her staring at her butt. Not like a stalker...just someone observing the similarities, which led me to think...if I ever wanted to get anything done in cosmetic surgery. I would start with my ass...I just want it to be perkier and rounder..that's all..not like Sir Mix-a-lot big, just cute and plump.



Anyways...another stinky adventure. As the weather gets hot and humid of course everyone gets stinkier. No matter where I go I smell BO surrounding me and ok don't get me wrong..I'm not perfect and I get some BO too, but I do smell checks and I reapply. BO is just god awful and I wonder what people did in the old days when deodorant was non-existant. The Blue Line with crowds of stinky people all standing next to each other...and speaking of BO...Mochi just farted next to me...ewwwww..not pleasant. Summer Time=Express Stop to Stinky Station

No Phone Zone may kill you

Oprah has this rule...its the no phone while driving pledge that she makes you sign when you go see her show. You sign it promising that you'll never talk/text on your phone while driving and that you will pull over if its an emergency to answer your phone. Now I know this quite well because my sister got us on the show and they MADE me sign this form...I wanted to give it back and they said..."you have to sign this"...I think that must be against the law somewhere...I know she's Oprah but she can't force me to sign shit. Anyways, my point being is that its all situational...if you strictly follow this rule you may end up killing yourself or worse killing someone else. For example: My sister was driving and I needed to tell her that we were going the wrong way, so I honked in my car for her to answer her phone. I thought that she didn't answer her phone because she signed the pledge and she loves Oprah so of course she can't break that contract. (It turns out she forgot her phone at home) BUT STILL...it got me thinking...what if that was the case...that she didn't want to answer her phone so instead of using her phone she rolled down her window and tried to talk to me that way...and we are screaming at each other through the window I was definitely thinking...this is completely dangerous and I think Oprah didn't really think about the situations people may find themselves in when they CAN'T answer their phone on the road due to signing her pledge. Here's other scenarios...a wife is in the hospital because she's having your baby, anyone is in the hospital that you know, you saw an accident on the road, you're meeting someone someplace and they are calling you to change locations. Ok, get a bluetooth that should solve the whole problem entirely but it was fun to think of the silly things that can happen when you follow the pledge.

Cricket ruins lives

You think I'm joking but I'm dead fucking serious when I tell you to never get Cricket service ever...it may be cheap but you definitely pay for what you're getting...crappy service. In the pass few days I've had arguments because well...gee I never got that text that you sent that was really important. Actually I haven't gotten maybe a totally of 10 different texts you sent because Cricket sucks. How do arguments happen...miscommunication and I would certainly consider not getting vital information miscommunication. Not to anyones fault of course...only the fault of that shitty provider that provides a pile of shit. Phew...glad I got that out.

Ok...moving on. So anyways...last night Alicia went home to her parents and Ryan was at a friends, it was actually pretty fricken sweet. Love em both but it was definitely nice to just sit in my underwear on the couch and watch Greys anatomy drama...it feels so good because its drama that has nothing to do with my life. Now I completely understand why people love drama shows so much. There isn't much arguing going on in your life when you're watching tv; now is there. You know what was also really awesome...Cait told me her roommate Nick said I was awesome and he loved me...you know why? he said "because she just says whatever she wants and its hilarious" Thats right! I forgot how amazing I am...I really like to hear that...I mean...I know this is vain, but whatever...it makes me feel really good when people tell me they like me and that I'm special. If you all don't like it bitches...well then suck a dick.

Work was hectic as shit and definitely overwhelming...I felt like I was running circles like a chicken with its head cut off. Went to my rents for some scary firework experiences...to be honest with the last traumatic (I almost blew off my hand)episode...I really didn't feel in the mood for things that went *bang*. I was suppose to get some money from my mom and forgot that she didn't get paid yet. :( watched a little rescue heroes and listened to my nephew back talk which was slightly funny but mostly slightly annoying. Had another awful Cricket incident and then I took a bath (Christmas Eve BB and Cobweb bomb...mixing christmas and halloween is awesome) I actually started blowing the bubbles everywhere and I would have taken a picture..but well you all don't want to see that do you. Now..I'm going to remove my nail polish, watch more greys and fall asleep whenever the fuck I want...because I can do that. The End.

is it in the water?

Is it the season for time apart? In one week 2 people from work are taking a break from their significant others. I don't think its a bad thing. Gives you some time for clarity; to see the whole picture. I think when you think about the little things they do add up but at the end of the day, but you have to truly think about is why you're together and if you truly love each other. It's very difficult to have balance...to live for yourself and be who you are but also be with someone and share your life. If you go too much in the direction of sharing...you feel like you lose yourself and you forget who you are...you get caught up in the emotional whirlwind, but on the other hand if you think too much of yourself and live for yourself...the emotional attachment starts to feel like it disippates or there is lack of communication. How do people that have been married for 50+ years do it? The same person everyday for the rest of your life, things that drive you crazy about each other...how do you make it work out? How do you make a relationship stay constant and thriving. Its so bizarre because I've loved before and sometimes no matter how much you love someone you know its not going to work, so you make the heartbreaking decision to end it. Its for the best, because you fight too much, or you're not meant for each other or someone didn't love each other anymore. How do you figure out whats worth salvaging or if you should even try. I used to know...I used to be so sure, because I lived for myself and never got too caught up in the emotional attachment and with that came the confidence to be able to say enough is enough. But now...I'm not so sure, but what changed? Maybe I'm too involved that I'm not thinking clearly...but the love feels so good; you feel like everything is right with the world and your walking on sunshine and when its not working it feels the worst; like you can't breath, like your heart is literally sinking. I don't want to be that emotional-less bitch that settles for the person that puts up with her shit and they can handle living day to day not really thinking about each other much...but dealing with what you have and calling it love...

can you find me...i'm feeling lost.

Just Jump!

I thought these images were pretty sweet. I was on www.unkle.com, check it out. I would love to paint my body like that and dance like a snake...haha maybe in another life.

Moving on, so I woke up to morning and did some homework and then I went back to sleep...I'm bizarre like that but I passed out for 3 hours and had the most vivid dreams. I won't bore you with explaining the insanities of dreams...because lets face it dreams are only interesting to the person who has them. So, I was rollerblading with Mochi near a cliff (in my dream)and there was a line of people disappearing down. I thought perhaps people were rolling down a hill off this cliff...it seemed fun, so I went for it and at the very edge I saw that everyone had jumped into a large body of water, so blue and white with the splashes. I just went for it and it felt so real just free falling into water. Now it's a dream...so of course...i could NOT swim, but I knew I was going to be ok...even though mind you I had rollerblades on my feet that would totally sink me. Mochi's ears were flapping in the wind going down and when we landed in the water I grabbed her and mentally told her "Hold your breath!" and we kept sinking and sinking and I couldn't feel the bottom. I was worried but I held my breath for it felt like a really long time and then we resurfaced and we were both fine. I wonder if Mochi ever has dreams about me...like me walking her or petting her....haha! or maybe they are more vivid like mine, like she's flying or something...

So I was wondering if anyone else goes through this, but some phases in the day when you just cry because your sad? I mean...it could be about anything but it's really random. Yesterday I was thinking all kinds of stuff...I'm not good enough, I'm so fat, does he still love me because I'm so emotional. I mean obviously it passed and I just needed to stop thinking about it. When I was walking home from the train I saw a couple on the bridge and he had his arm around her waist and I thought of Ryan. Then I saw him walking up the bridge to meet me because he was worried since I wasn't home right away. It was a really great feeling and all those doubts went away. But I hate when they creep up on me...uninvited...sometimes its best not to act on those feelings...just let them go away. I'm sure others have those weird moments right?

Will you read my blog?

That's the weird thing about blogs...I'm trying to think of what exactly to write about. Should it be only one topic that I talk about to keep it focused (i.e music, art, tattoos, etc.)or should it be my daily random happenings? (which can get rather boring)Maybe my humor wrapped up in all of my writings? Take a vote huh? I can't promise my blog won't be full of adult content...i could talk about anything from poop, sex, or furry bunnies. You need to highlight poop and sex in the same sentence...it's rather hilarious isn't it. Or disgusting if a porn spam pops up on your screen...then not so funny.

Let me know what you think and READ IT because I said so...haha.

-I'm Linda Wong...nuff said...that's the URL...genius ;)