stages

this has never happen to me before...but I know what its like to be that other person. I don't know what to do...it was starting to become clear and now again everything is muddled. I feel like a psychotic person with different personalities. One minute I'm angry and pissed off at whats happening...blaming you, then I feel pathetic like a wounded animal, then it passes and I feel ok...that moving forward isn't a bad thing, then I feel hopeful...that it'll all work out in the end and you're just being an idiot and you don't know what your missing, and the last emotion is the depression...its the numbness...its a dark place, that i rarely go to and am unfamiliar with. Everything is crumbling around me, i keep replaying the steps I took and what was my misstep...that I shouldn't have quit being a manager, or moved to the city because we'd be back to the happy place because I had money. Now i'm broke...with no car, barely getting by, and trying so hard to make it work, but its never enough, i feel taken for granted. But I know that these changes were necessary...it brought reality to its peak, that life is hard and we make sacrifices. Life isn't always about happiness but about surviving and making it work out the best that you can. I'm doing the best that I can...its about supporting each other and appreciating your loved ones. There no happy ending that exists...i was all wrong about that...this story just is and it keeps going...and theres a lot of shitty parts but I love you so much that I would be your friend and help you through all the hard parts and I hope that you would do the same for me. We constantly talk about expectations...but I think even when we try not to have them...they still exist. You expect us to be the way we were...just friends hanging out and having a good time and not expecting much...but thats an expectation. When you're in a relationship there are expectations...and that might sound stupid or clique but they exist. The expectations are that you are loyal to each other and don't sleep with other people, that you communicate and be honest, that you love each other no matter what. those are basic and those should be the only that exist...i'm learning that...no expectations, no disappointments...