left out

Why is that I constantly feel left out. Its like there's this thing that everyone doesn't talk about...like don't ask Linda to come policy on every door. Shitty...i get the..."you can come if you want"...more like "i wasn't planning on inviting you but i don't want it to get awkward if I tell you i don't want you to be there" It would be nice if I was more appreciated and people wanted me to be there because of how awesome I am. I'd like to think I'm awesome but all signs are telling me otherwise. I get a lot of "we're not really doing anything" or "I didn't think you'd want to do that"...its like hearing "its not you...its me...really..." Really...really? I mean clearly you're doing something if you are hanging out with someone at their place or going out...and i didn't think you'd want to...well it would have been nice if I was asked anyways...dammit! All i ever really do is sit at home, so its not like I've got plans or I'm booked for the week. AND...I understand that lots of time people don't ask people because they always say No all the time and never come out. But that's not my case at all...if I have the money...usually I'll go out.

P.s. I'm trying not to think about things too much and stay positive...optimistic and look to the future and all that bullshit...but for some reason I'm not very good at it...it just feels like it eats away at me. I'm terrible at brushing things off...wtf is wrong with me. I need to relax I know...maybe that's why I never get asked to go anywhere. bitch bitch bitch...tiny violin...fuck!