left out

Why is that I constantly feel left out. Its like there's this thing that everyone doesn't talk about...like don't ask Linda to come policy on every door. Shitty...i get the..."you can come if you want"...more like "i wasn't planning on inviting you but i don't want it to get awkward if I tell you i don't want you to be there" It would be nice if I was more appreciated and people wanted me to be there because of how awesome I am. I'd like to think I'm awesome but all signs are telling me otherwise. I get a lot of "we're not really doing anything" or "I didn't think you'd want to do that"...its like hearing "its not you...its me...really..." Really...really? I mean clearly you're doing something if you are hanging out with someone at their place or going out...and i didn't think you'd want to...well it would have been nice if I was asked anyways...dammit! All i ever really do is sit at home, so its not like I've got plans or I'm booked for the week. AND...I understand that lots of time people don't ask people because they always say No all the time and never come out. But that's not my case at all...if I have the money...usually I'll go out.

P.s. I'm trying not to think about things too much and stay positive...optimistic and look to the future and all that bullshit...but for some reason I'm not very good at it...it just feels like it eats away at me. I'm terrible at brushing things off...wtf is wrong with me. I need to relax I know...maybe that's why I never get asked to go anywhere. bitch bitch bitch...tiny violin...fuck!

We are the walking dead

We were bored one night and decided to do some face painting. We're having a Day of the Dead party on Saturday and Alicia and I are both off...so we celebrated on our own and went to Five Star Lounge for a drink and to show off our scary faces. We actually made some friends at the bar and scared a few people in the street. It was fun just being spontaneous and silly. Of course this was also the day that Alicia got me sick...so now we are literally the walking dead because we're both sick.




I told Alicia we should get married and we would just say the vows "in sickness and in health"...I believe our apartment is now quarantined.



I did my own work...I love how it turned out so I think I'm going to do it this Saturday for a Halloween party we are possibly attending. We are Daria and Jane but hopefully the pair celebrating Dia de los Muertos. We'll be very non-chalant about the whole matter. Trying to get Ryan to be Trent...we'll need some black colored hair spray though.



Here is a not dead picture of Ryan and I! I love this picture because we're super cute and of course it's a hipstamatic shot.

Shank!

Ruben came over tonight and we watched this movie "Shank" and the whole time we were hoping someone would get shanked but no one ever did...that was a disappointment. On the bright side, it was a tale of a confused young gang member from Britain that is sexually attracted to men and hiding his secret from the rest of the gang. He meets another young French chap that gets beaten up by his gang and he stops the fight risking his reputation. The gang consisted of himself Cal, Jonno (a closeted and in denial gay gang leader)and Jonno's girlfriend Nessa (She was a big cunt...as Ruben called her the Queen Cunt) She totally interfers the whole time and talks a lot of shit and is completely insane. She beats up this fat girl "gang member" because she was snorting coke on top of a picture frame of Nessa's dead baby. I know...the plot thickens...the father of that dead baby is Cal(the main character)Anyways...there's a lot of butt sex and white people acting like thugs; which is always disturbing to me. I give this movie 2 and a half stars for the crappy acting and amateur type gang members that were not scary because they were holding machetes and swords...which doesn't make any sense because they should have had guns. But I must give credit to the realistic scenes of beating innocent people up and the shock factor of the end scene where Cal gets sodomized by his best friend Jonno in front of the whole gang and the french boy...truly awful.

(I know I pretty much gave away the whole movie...but I doubt you would have watched it anyways and if you were planning on it...maybe I saved you some time) haha!

Who will save our Soles?

Today I went to Akira in Bucktown with some of my ladies and customized my own TOMS. Which was pretty frickin sweet. Hopefully I will post it later once the Akira people post the pic on their site. I had the cream canvas ones with a peacock on the front to the sides and a bandaid on the back where the TOMS logo is. I loves them...which makes me want to buy a ton more just so I can customize them myself and then sell them. Brilliant right? Afterwards, we went to Santuallo and had some delicious pizza, salad and mac n' cheese. We also talked a lot about bodily fluids, go girl, strange new gadgets for periods, and informercials. It was a very entertaining conversation which also reminds me that there are lots of people in the world that are just as fascinated by the gross things as I am. Like talking about the different methods of squatting and the duel streaming pee and the backsplashing...its all in good fun. Another foot invention if mine that I thought of was the collapsible heel...you know like those cups...but more sturdy and a locking mechanism. They can be heels that turn into flats...genius...i know. (DAMNIT...just looked it up and someone already designed them...but still she designed stileto heels and I was thinking of wedge shoes...also her designs were not cute..haha)

Speaking of feet...I was on the bus the other day and couldn't help but stare at this girls feet...she had hot pink toes nails and...toe rings! seriously...i don't get it. Toes rings were so 90's...I just think they are so tacky. If you have cute feet...you don't have to dress them up and if you have ugly feet...those toe rings are not doing them any justice. Am I right?

stages

this has never happen to me before...but I know what its like to be that other person. I don't know what to do...it was starting to become clear and now again everything is muddled. I feel like a psychotic person with different personalities. One minute I'm angry and pissed off at whats happening...blaming you, then I feel pathetic like a wounded animal, then it passes and I feel ok...that moving forward isn't a bad thing, then I feel hopeful...that it'll all work out in the end and you're just being an idiot and you don't know what your missing, and the last emotion is the depression...its the numbness...its a dark place, that i rarely go to and am unfamiliar with. Everything is crumbling around me, i keep replaying the steps I took and what was my misstep...that I shouldn't have quit being a manager, or moved to the city because we'd be back to the happy place because I had money. Now i'm broke...with no car, barely getting by, and trying so hard to make it work, but its never enough, i feel taken for granted. But I know that these changes were necessary...it brought reality to its peak, that life is hard and we make sacrifices. Life isn't always about happiness but about surviving and making it work out the best that you can. I'm doing the best that I can...its about supporting each other and appreciating your loved ones. There no happy ending that exists...i was all wrong about that...this story just is and it keeps going...and theres a lot of shitty parts but I love you so much that I would be your friend and help you through all the hard parts and I hope that you would do the same for me. We constantly talk about expectations...but I think even when we try not to have them...they still exist. You expect us to be the way we were...just friends hanging out and having a good time and not expecting much...but thats an expectation. When you're in a relationship there are expectations...and that might sound stupid or clique but they exist. The expectations are that you are loyal to each other and don't sleep with other people, that you communicate and be honest, that you love each other no matter what. those are basic and those should be the only that exist...i'm learning that...no expectations, no disappointments...

Talk Nerdy to Me

I've been listening to Broken Bells recently and this video was maybe not the coolest video I've ever seen or the most creative but the song is good. That's whats most important really...but now that I think of it, sometimes shitty videos really ruin good songs. For example..."Safety dance"...just look it up...you'll see what I mean. This song makes me want to do the robot not twirl ribbons and frolic...just saying.



I had a shirt once that said Talk Nerdy to Me...I thought that was pretty clever and there were big framed glasses on the shirt...too bad it shrunk and didn't fit me anymore. Speaking of nerdy things, I went to the Dice Dojo last night and relived my gaming habit. Which I really want to start doing on a weekly basis. Alex says I should come everyday after school...haha...like I don't have homework or something, but its nice to feel wanted. It really does make me feel like I'm apart of a group and something that I enjoy doing that no one else does. The motivation for going as well is that I really sucked last night and I need to get back to my destructive dominating nature of shit talking and kicking major ass. Alex did stroke my ego by warning another player that I'm bloody vicious and that they should watch out for me. The nice thing about that happy place is that I can talk about Star Trek, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica and other nerdy things that no one else wants to talk about with me. Haha...I like sci-fi...its awesome. I enjoy living in fantastical worlds sometimes and I don't take it too the extreme but its a good release from the shitty things of reality. So yes...please do...talk nerdy to me, because I like it! ;)

Double the BOoty

I was walking to school and there was a woman in a really skin tight pink dress; it was one of those scenarios where she should have had a thong on...because the dress was that tight and well...I couldn't help but stare at her ass...and not because it was amazing looking...but because it looked like mine...flat as a pancake. So, the dress was not so flattering which is sad because the rest of her body was nice. I was wondering if anyone noticed that I was just walking behind her staring at her butt. Not like a stalker...just someone observing the similarities, which led me to think...if I ever wanted to get anything done in cosmetic surgery. I would start with my ass...I just want it to be perkier and rounder..that's all..not like Sir Mix-a-lot big, just cute and plump.



Anyways...another stinky adventure. As the weather gets hot and humid of course everyone gets stinkier. No matter where I go I smell BO surrounding me and ok don't get me wrong..I'm not perfect and I get some BO too, but I do smell checks and I reapply. BO is just god awful and I wonder what people did in the old days when deodorant was non-existant. The Blue Line with crowds of stinky people all standing next to each other...and speaking of BO...Mochi just farted next to me...ewwwww..not pleasant. Summer Time=Express Stop to Stinky Station